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~convo
with tamara and a Dominant~ HeSays: what made you want to make the site? SlaveTamara: when i started serving my first M... he wanted me to make a website, on whatever i chose... and i chose to do it on BDSM and more specifically on my experiences with serving and submission. and it just grew :) HeSays: did you say you ran the site with your husband? ... am I remembering a marital tie correctly? SlaveTamara: no, i am not married ::gasp!:: SlaveTamara: i run the site myself HeSays: How long have you expressed your beauty as a slave Tamara? SlaveTamara: i never thought of it quite that way, but about 3 years :) HeSays: how do you think of it? SlaveTamara: i dunno SlaveTamara: LOL SlaveTamara: just me being me i guess HeSays: lol ... I like that answer ... what could be more pure than that .... what happened three years ago? SlaveTamara: i met my first Master HeSays: how lovely ... and had you known you had these desires in you before or did he introduce you to them? SlaveTamara: he introduced me to it, and i found as i learned that it had always been there :) HeSays: sounds like a flower opening up ... do you have a Master now Tamara? SlaveTamara: nope HeSays: well, all things happen at their time .... may I ask what you do - other than host elegant web-pages? SlaveTamara: i am a webmaster professionally actually :) HeSays: how cool is that? ... you are the first professional webmaster I have ever met .... I'm smiling at you :) ... very impressive :) SlaveTamara: LOL thank you! HeSays: so do you make money from your own site(s) or do you design other peoples? SlaveTamara: both HeSays: how fascinating ... do you create all the content of your own sites? SlaveTamara: not all of them, no, but amslaves yes HeSays: how wonderful .. webmasters are like this new breed of entrepeneur writer/broadcasters .. I'm very impressed .. and fascinated by it .... may I be tacky and ask how old you are? SlaveTamara: i'm 25 HeSays: I find you very impressive by the way ... you make me smile ... you would make a Master proud SlaveTamara: thank you :) HeSays: you are welcome ... tell me that you can handle the cane and I would think you close to perfect :) SlaveTamara: LOL i try SlaveTamara: i am not a painslut SlaveTamara: there are pics of me caned on the site HeSays: I should go and see your site I can see ... and they can be very sensual as well as stinging .. if they are on that edge it is amazing what a delicate thing it can be ... SlaveTamara: i have never felt that SlaveTamara: just brutal strokes HeSays: do you like brutal? SlaveTamara: i don't *like* it, no. but it's not about what i like HeSays: quite ... you have a beautiful understanding ... the people who want to top from the bottom can be ... less than ..... it could be SlaveTamara: thank you :) HeSays: so what do you do on your sites? .... photos, fiction etc? SlaveTamara: amslaves is all factual SlaveTamara: other sites are primarily pics that i've bought to use for that purpose HeSays: I see this (online/www) as being a very formative and important medium and I like people who are shaping and Mastering it ... I'm curious .. at what point the passion of BDSM gets worn thin by having to maintain sites etc .. or does it just fuel your passion for it? SlaveTamara: serving is a *need* for me, and it will never go away SlaveTamara: the passion for the sites, might one day go away, who knows? HeSays: Beautifully put .... do you write very much? SlaveTamara: not as much as i should... and i don't write fiction HeSays: what do you feel you should be writing? SlaveTamara: i don't know... everything! HeSays: you said not fiction ... so I assume articles, poetry .... (though everything is a pretty good answer too:) SlaveTamara: no poetry, i don't get poetry! LOL but i write diaries of what happens to me, and i write lots ... usually emails to my M, but i don't have one now, so i'm flustrated... about EVERYTHING that happens to me every day and how i feel and just long babblesome stuff HeSays: :) ... how wonderful that must be to read .... and, from what I saw on your aol homepage you get poetry very well .... you must make a Master very happy I suspect :) HeSays: tell me, how important do you feel it is for a submissive to share all her feelings and thoughts with her Master? .. should she hold some back, so as not to bother or disturb her Master or share everything? SlaveTamara: i think it is vital SlaveTamara: and she should never hold anything back HeSays: I agree, I have not found all submissives to feel that way though ... or not all who choose to try and walk the path SlaveTamara: well i think that holding back is thwarting your own submission HeSays: I agree ... but, I believe that submission must be given not taken so I guess it will happen ... how long since you had a Master? SlaveTamara: no, it definitely must be freely given SlaveTamara: a month HeSays: and how long since you commited yourself to one exclusively for a long period? SlaveTamara: a month :) HeSays: :) ... how lovely .... I wish I lived closer to you ..:) SlaveTamara: where are you again? HeSays: I'm in California SlaveTamara: everyone is in CA it seems! HeSays: it is a very friendly place for BDSM ... how is it near where you are? SlaveTamara: hmmmmmmmmmmmm SlaveTamara: i have no clue LOL SlaveTamara: i have never been involved with the public scene HeSays: yes, I don't go to socials and clubs but I take comfort in knowing that they are there ... and I like the toy stores SlaveTamara: i love the toy stores. but the toy stores around here are *sex toy* stores and don't have much BDSM gear HeSays: that's a shame .. and they rarely have high quality stuff ... I bought a beautiful cane a few months ago .... red, straight , just lovely HeSays: can be used lightly or severely depending on one's mood SlaveTamara: i saw some very kewl canes at BR99... some acrylic and some hydrolized metal ones in shocking purple.. kewl! HeSays: acrylic .. they must leave a nasty mark .... I found few things more arousing then the marks a good caning leaves SlaveTamara: i am *sure* they leave nasty marks, and they are specially treated so they are virtually impossible to break SlaveTamara: i almost bought one.. they are so pretty it's like artwork HeSays: do you have an implement you prefer above others? SlaveTamara: not really, i'm not a painslut, so they all scare the chit outta me :) HeSays: you need someone to show you how they can be welcomed not feared .... anyone can beat you .. a good Master should make you also love them SlaveTamara: well i don't know about *should*, but *can* yes HeSays: :) ..... I love how you embrace the slave you are .... I am amazed how words like slut and slave can be such wonderful terms of endearment ... such noble qualities :) SlaveTamara: yes, true! SlaveTamara: and thank you :) HeSays: Do you think a slave should fear her Master to any degree? SlaveTamara: hmmmmmmmmm i think more than fearing HIM, she should fear displeasing him HeSays: that is a very clever answer .. I know that from submissives I have had in the past it is the thought that they have failed to please and have caused displeasure is the worst feeling .... I often though myself not strict enough because I would not cane them when I saw them so unhappy .... SlaveTamara: well, punishment takes many forms :) HeSays: indeed it does ... would you share your harshest punishment with me? .. what it was? SlaveTamara: being fisted SlaveTamara: anally and vaginally SlaveTamara: and being put in a cage SlaveTamara: for ten days SlaveTamara: because i wasn't losing weight fast enough HeSays: how do you find your play partners if you are not involved in the club scene? SlaveTamara: i don't really HAVE play partners ::sigh:: HeSays: what a shame .. :( ... you seem like you would be such a charming slave, you are very intelligent .. have a wonderful fearless grasp on it SlaveTamara: thank you, but serving as a slave and playing are two reeeaaally different things to me HeSays: I like your distinction ... some people use the word 'slave' lightly .. as perhaps I just did .. I like that you don't SlaveTamara: i don't, you are right, because ... i am a slave, always and it is who and what i am. but to actualize it with someone, i must be owned. playing with someone is something different, and something i've only done.. a few times, and it was wierd for me HeSays: how so? SlaveTamara: wierd because i did not have that need to serve them SlaveTamara: so for me it's like... how much am i willing to take from this person? and i'm constantly thinking about how far i'm ready to let them go HeSays: and when you are owned you are giving yourself without thinking of those things? SlaveTamara: yes SlaveTamara: just... the only thing i know then, is to try as hard as i can and then harder, to do what i'm told to do HeSays: I understand .. and I love your sense of it .... you must be quite beautiful in that place SlaveTamara: oh i dunno, serving ain't always pretty ;) LOL but happy, even if i'm outwardly miserable, yes HeSays: lol ... you'd be suprised the different ways men can define beauty ... tell me about the place between the outward misery and the inner happiness .... SlaveTamara: outward misery... enduring whatever pain i'm given or discomfort or whatever it is, that i do not necessarily *enjoy* for the sake of itself... but love or learn to love, for the WHY i am doing it HeSays: the why being to please your Master I assume SlaveTamara: yes :) HeSays: how does it feel to truly please a Master? SlaveTamara: sunshine SlaveTamara: and being full inside to bursting, heart exploding happy HeSays: how beautiful is that .... when did you first truly know this was what you wanted? SlaveTamara: when i first spoke to my first M... and a process of talking to him, exploring on the web, and many writing assignments he gave me about my childhood that made everything just *click* for me HeSays: sounds very thoughtful , a quality I admire ... ...how have you continued your studies? SlaveTamara: hmmmmmm SlaveTamara: continued my studies by learning to serve SlaveTamara: and now by wishing with all my heart for a Master to teach me more :) HeSays: what a beautiful wish ... SlaveTamara: the impossible dream, seems like :) HeSays: well, never say never ..... things have a way of happening ... what do you search for in a Master? SlaveTamara: someone who is better than me in all things HeSays: all things? SlaveTamara: well... more intelligent, more *smart*, more capable of handling decisions etc etc and so forth.. i mean obviously some things i might be better at, like designing web pages... but i mean in the big ways SlaveTamara: so i can kneel and *mean* it HeSays: that is a lovely description because it's about how they make you feel .. not a word about the physical .... and you can, of course, be accomplished but still kneel for a Master ... slave is a noble occupation .. if done correctly SlaveTamara: true, and i'm leaving out that, it would be a bonus if he is attractive and has a huge cock <-- my superficial side rears its ugly head LOL HeSays: lol .... not a bad trait either .... SlaveTamara: well the sex for me is actually sorta intertwined with all of it... i mean i could not serve and have there be no sex, it wouldn't work for me in my head HeSays: yes .. sex is part of it .... crucial ... it's like one of the great channels ..... HeSays: you have to have an erotic background , that's what makes the small services so lovely SlaveTamara: ::nods:: HeSays: what kind of doggy do you have? SlaveTamara: two dogs, a cocker spaniel and a beagle HeSays: cute .... are you 'out' to your friends or do you see this as all very private? SlaveTamara: my best friend knows a little bit, but not much HeSays: what does she think? .. or is it a he? SlaveTamara: she hates it and wants me to date a vanilla friend of hers HeSays: has she seen your websites? SlaveTamara: a tiny bit HeSays: I haven't seen them yet ... but do they reflect you personally or your passions? SlaveTamara: yes SlaveTamara: me personally HeSays: ah, well, the www is a rather large broadcasting instrument .... do you explain it to her or play it down? SlaveTamara: no, i explained as much as i could... she thinks D/s is sick HeSays: some people think that ... they just can't find any of the beauty in it .. stems from the puritans ... who loved to tie up women half naked and whip them, by the way SlaveTamara: yeah i know LOL HeSays: how long were you with your Master before you broke up? SlaveTamara: which one? the first, 2.5 years, the second... 4 months HeSays: did you live with them? SlaveTamara: no HeSays: who was the more brutal? SlaveTamara: the first HeSays: interesting .... I have never, myself, liked a sense of brutality .. although I can see where for some Masters that may be how they experience an extreme .... I love the feeling of total domination ... SlaveTamara: oh i like the brutality, LOL at least some of it... brutal doesn't necessarily mean painful tho... but hmmmmm HeSays: I guess I find it to be word that implies no art or elegance .... a caning can be severe but not brutal ... , the brutality only comes - for me - when the intent is to brutalise ..... HeSays: might just be what the word means to different people SlaveTamara: ::nods:: i think so HeSays: brutal to me has the connotion of thuggery .... <smile> .. but I still love to use a cane more than anything else so ... words words words .. :) SlaveTamara: yeps :) HeSays: I suppose that good D/s is like art ... and like pornography ... you know it when you see it SlaveTamara: LOL i guess HeSays: You must be constantly besieged by would be Masters .... are none of them to your liking? SlaveTamara: so far, none HeSays: for good reason I'm sure HeSays: I've never been able to overcome the natural resistance to joining online pay-sites ... are they quite succesful? SlaveTamara: some are, mine is just a struggling to stay afloat babysite :) HeSays: you will do fine I'm sure .. you seem to put yourself into it, and you are a charming and fascinating lady .... we haven't even begun to figure out what to do with this www thing ... SlaveTamara: who's we? HeSays: we ... being us as a culture and specifically 'media' people SlaveTamara: oh really? hmm interesting HeSays: I hope you won't mind me calling you a media person SlaveTamara: i am a media person in one sense, and i majored in communication arts SlaveTamara: but if you put me on the same level as the reporters and the networks that are out there these days... i'll hafta hurt you ;) HeSays: lol .. and you would probably have some ideas about how to do that .... and I was thinking of you more as someone who is unafraid to harness mass communications ... I like that about you .. they are just tools and we have to make sure that it's not only Rupert Murdoch and the money elite that have them SlaveTamara: well for now the web is a great way to do that, tho it won't always be so methinks |