ask
tamara
the following are all questions i've
been asked recently by viewers of the site, via emails or AOL IM's, which
i answered for them personally and am reprinting here for you now. please
keep in mind that this is MY personal perspective on service and slavery
and D/s. i don't expect or ask anyone to agree with me :)
hugs*
~tamara
I must tell
you that it wasn't easy for me to read the stories on your site. That is
an honest reaction, and certainly isn't intended to hurt you in any way.
I would like to better understand the "excitement" you find in the physical
pain aspect of this type of relationship.
For me the pleasure comes from serving.
To me the WHAT becomes irrelevant in the face of the larger picture... WHY?
and WHY for me is because i feel such a strong need to please, to do
anything i am told to do for him, and how good it feels to me when i DO please
him and serve him well. i am NOT very good at taking pain and it is very
very hard for me even now but I always try my best to take what I am
given.
I understand
the need to "serve," but I find the humiliation aspect of this most disturbing.
Will you enlighten me?
Maybe YOU are humiliated by what
you read there... i, am not, wasn't. :) It's actually kind of amazing because
as i was growing up i had TONS of shame issues. i was so ashamed of myself
for many many things. Serving a Master helped me let go of a lot of
that.
it starts with the idea that a slave
has no pride; and shame is reverse pride. Serving your Master is the most
wonderful thing in the world. It is a NEED that fulfills me deeply within
my soul. Why would I be ASHAMED of serving him? The things i did for him
were all beautiful to me because they were FOR HIM. It does not matter WHAT
they were to others. This means that i never really DID feel humiliated,
then or now.
Personally, i find nothing to be
ashamed of in loving someone so much. Loving so purely, that a submissive
will do *almost* anything for her Master simply to please them and make them
happy.
What drew you
to serve your Master initially?
hmmm... I met my first Master in
a vanilla chatroom. Talking to him about the concepts of dominance and submission
were like light bulbs going off in my head. He spoke of the desires I'd had
since I was a little girl, His WORDS described my desires so
perfectly.
One big part of serving that appealed
to me was the concept of my own inner growth through following his guidance.
I tend to be very UNdisciplined and had never had much discipline from parents
or elsewhere growing up. Through the guidance and discipline of a Master
I became so much better, and so much MORE, then i would have been otherwise,
at least on my own. Some people need that extra push to grow, to try harder;
i am one of those people.
Please describe
"vanilla."
"Vanilla" as it is typically used
in the BDSM community refers to "straight" relationships, ie: those which
do NOT involve D/s or BDSM at all.
Why are "pain
and humiliation" part of submission?
Well they AREN'T always, it all depends
on the Master. The basic idea is, one serves, one obeys. Some Masters do
not enjoy inflicting pain, and pain is just not a part of serving them. Others
are extremely sadistic and pain is INHERENT to serving them. My first Master
was pretty sadistic. Talking to him at first ... and even LATER ... the idea
of the pain scared me SO MUCH. In serving, regardless of whether pain is
involved or not, a submissive is taking a HUGE chance. A submissive is offering
herself to someone, "use me as you will!" Giving oneself, dedicating oneself
to pleasing a Master is a VERY risky thing. It is SO IMPORTANT to choose
the one you serve wisely. Regardless of the *details* that are involved with
serving someone, it is always scary to take that leap and trust. It becomes
a question of whether that NEED to serve outweighs any fears you may have.
I was TERRIFIED. But the need to serve was burning in me. My choice was to
trust in him to help me learn to please him.
Is it difficult
to deal with the humiliation?
Again;
things that i did for my Master which others find humiliating WERE NOT
humiliating for me. First of all, what each person finds to be "humiliating"
for him or herself can be completely different. For me in terms of serving,
it went beyond that, because i generally speaking did NOT feel humiliated.
The few times that i did, the embarrassment or shame i would feel would dissolve
in feeling his pleasure as i did what i was told to do. One learns NOT to
be ashamed but to be HAPPY and grateful for being given yet another opportunity
to please the one that owns you.. The shame (for me, at least) goes away
... and leaves you with a feeling of unbelievable freedom.
To me serving is NOT about doing
things that i "like" doing, except in the deeper sense that what i LOVE and
NEED to do is please the one I serve. Many things I have done, were VERY
difficult for me. D/s is NOT an easy lifestyle. In fact it involves much
more work than a vanilla relationship. (Although i think that vanilla
relationships could take a cue from D/s in terms of learning to work, to
make a relationship flourish).
Does D/s run
into your "every day living"?
Yes! and this is so important to
me... because serving gives me a purpose and gives meaning to EVERYTHING
i do. Being OWNED totally and fully means that EVERYTHING you do, you are
doing to please the one that owns you. Whether it be serving him sexually
or doing day to day things like a job, or taking care of children, or whatever
it might be. For me this became an inherent part of my life. With everything
that i did suddenly having meaning and purpose beyond just going through
the motions of life. This does NOT mean, that those who are not involved
with the relationship ever know; i only show my submissive side to those
whom i am allowed to do so. For example, my family would have no idea. this
involves an INNER knowledge.
The original PURPOSE of my site
was to present a side of D/s in that is, to me, a pure form. The slave submits
to the Master without limit and will try to do anything and everything he
asks, in order to please him. This is definitely a different perspective
than you will find elsewhere, and it is NOT for everyone, and NOT everyone
agrees with it, and that is OK too. :)
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